3:34
tears
sneeze
hand to chest
sneeze
wipes eye
wipes nose
swallows
silence
no thoughts
just silence
birds chirpping
3:34 am
shallows breathes
electric blanket
warm
cold feet
looks up
fiddle with fingers
clears throat
inhale
exhale
looks at light
wipes eye
wipes eye again
hands intertwine
what was that?
listening
heart quickens
movement
neighnors
noises fuckers
wipes nose and sniffs
wipes eye
hand together
inhale exhale
birs chippin g
smile
pipes in the water
wipes eye
iches neck
scratches head
clicks nuckles
itch eyebrows and rubs face
lays back
warm
right foot cold
tingle in left hand
looks at photo
wipes nose and sniffs
looks at photo looks away
very warm bottom
tilts head back
inhale exhale
clench checks
hips crack
blinking
moves forward itches back and returns
itches neck
head back
looks at photo of nan
love
no words
nose flares
tears well
rubs face
return
return
breathing
but not sleeping
eye heavy
sleep
What Should I Be Thinking About?
Should I be thinking about the future?
Should I be thinking about the past?
Should I be thinking about my family?
Should I be thinking about myself?
​
Thinking of my career or my children
Thinking of my phone or my flowers
Thinking of my love or my hate
Thinking of my breakfast or my tea.
​
About loss or gain
About words or letters
About my body or my brain
About success or failure.
​
I Would Love...
I would love to love you like I once did.
I would love to appreciate everything you are now
I would love to hold your hand without remembering
I would love to forget about the past
I would love to just be us as we are now
I would love...
At Your Service
Hi, How are you?
Aww, Good.
Well your in the right place.
What am I getting for you today?
Is that Cod or...
Cod, chips and peas
Beans?
Right, baked beans.
And a drink for you?
Coke.
Would Pepsi be alright?
It' just that our coke is from a can and our Pepsi is from the machine so you can have pint.Â
Fab, a pint of Pepsi.
Is that everything?
And one bread roll?
Thank you very much.
LOVE ME...
Feel me
Touch me
Squeeze me
​
Kiss me
Bite me
Tease me
​
Slap me
Push me
Fuck me
​
LOVE ME...
So I can love myself
Ping!
Ping!
Look at Me
(No)
Come on,
Look at Me!
(No I can wait)
I might be important
(I'm sure its not that important)
It's really important
(I'm not going to look)
Fine...
​
Ping!
​
Coffee House
- Hi, What can I get you today?
-Umm.
-What can I get you today?
-Just two seconds please, still deciding.
-Who's next?Â
Hi, What can I get you today?
-Excuse Me
-Two seconds please.
-A Carmel latte please=triple shot
-with soya milk/
-Of course with soya milk
-No problem- do you have a rewards card.
-Do I have a rewards card?
Of course.
-Of course you do.
-Excuse me- you were serving me.Â
-I'm serving this gentleman now.
-We'll come back to you after.
-Right...
-A Carmel latte...triple shot with soya milk.Â
-with soya milk
-Of course.
-What's the name?
-Starbucks
-No
-Costa
-No
-Nero
-Sure
(Steaming milk- pressure gets higher pitched)
-Excuse me!
I was first.
-She was first.
-You couldn't wait for me to decide.
-This is very busy business lady.
-Nero!Â
Your coffee is ready.
-Thank you.
-You are very welcome.
-Can I please have/
-Sorry we can't serve you.
-Why not?
-you raised your voice at us.Â
-You skipped me.
-You raised your voice - we don't serve people that shout at us.Â
-I've been waiting for minutes now.
-I'm very sorry about that but this a very busy business.
-Your customer service is shocking.
-We have a 5 star rating in our CS thank you very much.
-...
-I want to talk to your manager.
-Sorry, he's not her but if you want I can pass on a message.
-Communication, honesty and friendliness are vital skills for this job role.
-Fine. Your employees are rude, impatient and arrogant.
-My managers response would:
We are very sorry for your situation in store today - I will have a word with my employees and make sure this doesn't happen again.
-Hi. What can I get for you today?
-I'm still having a conversation with you.
-No this conversation has ended.
-What can I get for you today?
-Sorry, where is the nearest coffee shop?
-Down the road on the right
-Or down the road on the left.
-Or round the corner.
-This store is duplicated in 12 other countries.
-Italy, rome
-Germany, Berlin
-France, Paris
-USA, Chicago, New York, LA, Miami
-Ireland , Dublin
-Australia, Perth, Dundee
-Spain, Barcelona.
-The custom service is 5 star rating.
-Please visit us on your travels and get the exact sae experience in any of our stores across the globe.
I am Dying
I am dying
I am suffering
I am decreasing
I am suffocating
I am drowning
I am burning up
I have holes
I am covered in lines
I have scars
I am covered in unnatural objects
I hear cries
I hear sequels
I hear machines
I hear the constant buzz of energy
I have multiple syringes- some pump stuff into me and some pump stuff out.
I have been poisoned
I have been
I am being consumed
I have been commodore
What are we doing?
What are we doing to our planet?
We invent and do not preserve ?
We create life yet don not preserve
We are killing
We are stealing
Man made vs women nature
We are spiralling
We are stuck
I am still alive and I will survive
What they don’t know is that they will be gone before me...I will never be the same.
I am being adapted
I am being manipulated
I am a conversation and a thought
I am not appreciated
I have been disabled
I am being dissected
My shell is disintegrating
My protection took
My invisible cloak is threading
Small Global. I am experiencing the uneasy and advancing intervention of technology on the nature of our world. We are killing our planet with our neoliberalism, and as we spiral further into the commodification of all aspects of life, we become the reason of nature’s extinction, including ourselves: human kind.
I am surviving
I am trying to survive
I will survive
They don’t know that but as they destroy me, I destroy them quicker. I am adapting to the abuse forced on me. I am surviving. I wins here before them I will be here after them. They will not survive.
My Mattress has felt me sob tonight.
My Pillow has captured my tears tonight.
My quilt has been gripped so tight tonight.
And my room has never been so quite, Tonight.
31/01/2020
Head down
Head down
Breathe
Bicycle
Bicycle
Don’t cry
Step step step
Walk
Head down
Sniffles
No
Breathe
Inhale exhale
Inhale exhale
Catherdral
Castle
Looking not seeing
Head down
Hands fiddle with coffee cup
Why am I here?
No head down
Why do I feel like this
No
Don’t cry
Keep going
Home
Locks door
Cries
Bag down
Coat off
Cries
It’s a sending
Hug
Shakes with cries
Holds me
Love
Food
Bedroom
Shoes off
Cries
Curls up
In a ball
Looks at trousers
White spots
Black
Fading
Tears fall
Hands shake
Release
Make up ruined
Lies
Messages
Home
Guilty
More lies
Shaking
Hating
Crying
Avoiding photos
Lonely
Chin shakes
Exhale
Inhale
Shakes exhale
Tears
Slow blinks
Tired
Exhausted actually
Funny
Disengaged
Lonely
Alone
Guilt
Comfort
Cool
Don’t know
Don’t understand